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We've been friends for over two decades, a person who's overcome many obstacles, which I admire. Yet, she's repeatedly blindsided by others. Her husband walked away, which came as an unexpected event. A lot of close acquaintances disappeared then, since they had been only interested in him. This surprised her deeply. She made greater energy to be my friend, probably understood more clearly the essence of true friendship.

Ongoing Issues of Disappearance

In the time since, several close to her have disappeared leaving her certain of the reason. Her last employer became hostile, despite the fact that she was very skilled at her work, and she left not understanding what had changed.

How Things Stand Now

Lately, we have each left the workforce and are seeing frequent meetups, but I am finding the part I play in the relationship is as the audience. I start topics of conversation only for her to redirect them to her own topics. Politically, she expresses unyielding views. My effort is to recommend verifying facts and alternate views.

She has been organizing a trip to a country I've visited repeatedly and lived in previously. My intention was to share advice, however, my input unappreciated. She really only wanted my agreement with her choices. I have returned from 30 days in that country she is eager to reconnect, yet I'm reluctant.

Considering the Choices

I am unwilling to act as a friend that walks away without explanation, yet I doubt she will ever comprehend the impact of her actions on how I feel about myself. Right now, I am in distancing myself. What's the best step?

Ways Forward

One option is to walk away, however, that approach is not often the easy answer that we desire. But confrontation with a view to a solution demands strength and readiness on both your parts.

Experts suggest using a useful conflict resolution tool:

"The first step requires explaining the usual pattern during your discussions. This needs to be objective and clear like what a recording device would replay. The second involves sharing how this leaves you feeling. This allows for no disagreement here. Emotions are valid, of course. Step three is to question ways you together can shift the dynamics of your friendship."

Consider your friend has her own side, so you need to remain ready to acknowledge it. One effective method involves stating her:

"Now you talk and I'm going to listen without interrupting for half an hour."

It's remarkably impactful to encourage better communication.

Key Takeaways

She may dismiss everything, since certain individuals have a deep-seated story: they maintain a version about themselves they cannot abandon because their very survival relies on it being the only thing they trust. It's tough because there's no thoroughfare with these people, mere obstacles. However, she might at first react defensively then consider your perspective. If you don't achieve a fix, it provides closure that you've been open and direct.